Have you ever looked at the ads in bridal magazines? I mean, taken a real good, long gander? And if so, have you ever noticed how the models in 80% of these ads look like they’ve ingested excessive doses of Valium before each photo shoot? Seriously. Apparently you’re not couture in wedding fashion world unless you’re awkwardly leaning against a wall or slouching over a inanimate object, slack-jawed and expressionless.

I mean, take a look at this stuff:

Yeah, I scanned ’em all just for you. Also: I KNOW RIGHT??

What’s the takeaway here? That plunking down five grand on a Monique Lhuillier gown for my big day will make me feel limp, unenthusiastic, and maybe even a little robotic? Awesome.

If that’s the case, I’m buying a $29 sundress at Forever Twelve and keeping my happy face on.