A couple of weeks ago, when I got home from work one day, the beau looked straight in the eye and said, “I wrote a blog post.” My response was to gaze back at him slack-jawed, for he might as well have said he was moving to Manitoba to become a pig farmer. Blogs? Beau? Huh?

Well, you guys, he wasn’t kidding. He actually wrote a post about, like, stuff. From his own point of view. And then we got super extra incredibly busy, and two weeks later, here I am finally posting it. At 1:30 in the morning. Because: OH MY GOD, WEDDING.

So, here he is. Live and in person! For a one-night-only appearance! It’s… the beau.

*******************

Beau here, taking over the airwaves. This is my first and only wedding blog post. Why one and only? A few reasons… I’ve never been a good writer or speller (I love you spellcheck!), nor am I grammatically savvy. I also have a weird relationship with technology. I often get volunteered for tech projects at my work* and I was building computers at a young age, yet I irrationally fought getting a cell phone, and fought creating a Myspace (now deleted) and Facebook account. I still refuse to IM, and I’ve never gotten into reading blogs (except for Lyn’s, of course). Not really sure where the reluctance comes from.

Sorry for the sidetrack, back to how wedding planning has changed my perceptions of the average person. A little personal background: I’m a white male who grew up in the suburbs just outside of Portland, OR, in a middle class family. My parents were two aging hippies who joined corporate America but were still able to hold on to some of their ideals. A little boring but I was lucky to have been raised by open-minded parents. This started the foundation for my happy bubble.

I’m also a “glass is half full” type of person and generally give people the benefit of doubt. I’ve come to realize that I often don’t believe that things are as bad as they really are. I assume and argue that people can’t be that racist, sexist, ignorant, etc.**

I feel good in my ignorance. I like people! Most of them are interesting and nice. Something bad happens? Cross paths with an asshole? Just an anomaly! That asshole is definitely in the minority. I chalk up a lot of things to media’s over-dramatization or our human nature to focus more on the bad things and ignore the good things. If I don’t know someone, I only assume that they are as tolerant to humankind’s differences as I am.*** I’ve come to realize that my ignorance of society’s expectations of what is “normal” has affected me in a number of ways: 1) I can be naïve and overly trusting, 2) I’m not very good at discussing society’s unfavorable expectations and pressure, and 3) I can’t come up with a good comeback when my jaw is on the floor due to shock.

Getting engaged and planning for a wedding has changed my opinion of the average person. I was surprised at how dumbfounded people get when they hear I’m straying away from the cookie cutter box of wedding rules. It amazes me how many people are set in their ways and how judgmental they can be when you don’t meet their expectations and the old norms they cling to. It’s weird that people feel compelled to convince me otherwise when they wouldn’t dare to discuss many other topics.

Wait…did that person I barely even know, who I’m not even inviting to our wedding, get legitimately upset that we are not walking down an aisle? This lady is looking at me like I stole from an orphanage.

It is depressing how influential society’s expectations and idea of normal can completely throw a blinder over people’s ability to be rational and open to others’ desires. Why has the wedding industry been so successful in convincing everyone that they have to spend and spend and get so little? More importantly, why do so many people back traditional ideals when I want to do my own thing? If you ever suspect someone is crazy, start talking to them about weddings and the answer will usually surface. That and politics.

I was also surprised at how many of my groom friends seem to meet the expectation of doing close to nothing. Seems like way too much work for one person to take on and too big of a party to just sit in the background. Did they not have a choice or did they not care? After putting in so much work, I get annoyed when people assume I have been lounging on the sidelines, watching Lyn slave away. This whole wedding is a lot of work and I’m busting ass too! Yet I have to admit there have been times when I took advantage of the stereotype. If it is something I am unsure of or apathetic to, I can easily defer to Lyn. Vendors don’t expect me to make a decision anyway. Hell, they barely even talk to me.****

So did wedding planning push me into becoming a cynical old bastard who hates the average man? Luckily, no. Still, my perception of the average person and how much society’s norms/stereotypes affect them has changed for the worse. But wait! There is some good news! I have been happily surprised, amazed actually, at the size and quality of this wedding subculture. I am astounded of the friendships that Lyn has found since she started blogging. The kindness that some people have and the amount they want to share, unprovoked, is heart warming. You rock!

Wow, this post ended up being way more serious than I intended. But after all of the disappointments, stress, expenses and failed to-do-lists, I am still glad to have gone through the wedding experience. All this thought and effort we went through will show up at the wedding. I think it is going to be a great party and I am ecstatic and lucky to be marrying such a great girl.

_________________________________________________

* And enjoy them.

** Glenn Beck rallies aside.

*** I’m no saint … far from it.

**** We did find some pretty awesome vendors who started looking in my direction after getting to know us, but with a lot of the other vendors it was like I wasn’t even there.

***** Yeah this doesn’t relate to anything in the body of the text. I just like Lyn’s free use of asterisks so I thought I would give it a shot.