You know what I’m completely over? The Princess Mentality. You know what I’m talking about.

“You’re the bride. It’s your day to look and feel like a princess and every princess deserves to be the belle of the ball.”*

You get that? You get those key words? “Your day,” “princess” (x2), “deserves,” “ball.”

Um, no. The day is not mine; it belongs equally to the groom and to the guests. I am not a princess, sister. I am not descended from a royal bloodline. This isn’t a fairy tale. This isn’t a goddamn fucking ball, and I most definitely don’t deserve all of this — because, let’s face it, what you’re really talking about are spa treatments and a dress that costs more than a new car. Not unalienable rights.

Who said that this rhetoric was OK? Who agreed that this should be the way we commonly talk about brides? About women? Don’t think I haven’t seen all those pink sparkly Princess shirts in little girls’ sizes out there. Don’t think I haven’t seen the Princess license plate frames.

Some people may like that, some people may want to be pandered to like that. I don’t. A lot of us don’t. Many thousands of us who don’t identify with the media messages being pumped out at them daily like so much AK-47 fire. Women who sometimes have to look in the mirror to find what resembles, for them, a “real” woman. A “real” bride.

Fuck that. No, seriously. FUCK THAT.

Oh, now look what you did. You’ve gone and made me so mad, wedding industry, that I’m afraid I’m going to have to break out the Eazy-E. With revised lyrics, of course.**

cuz i’m the B-R-I-D-E
and this is the season
to let the REAL muhfuggin’ Bs in

so wedding industry please
don’t step to these
muhfuggin’ REAL Bs

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VsdLn46UXnA]

* Quoted from www.mysantabarbarawedding.com/santabarbara/bridal/

** The video has the original, sometimes naughty lyrics, because unfortunately, I wholly failed in my attempts to raise Eazy-E from the dead to re-record the song with new ones. Also, something about him not wanting to rap about being a bride? I dunno, whatever. *shrug*