You know what gets me down? The fact that the beau and I have this luxurious year to plan our wedding. The fact that we can casually mention we’re having a wedding, and no one looks at us askance. The fact that our broader culture encourages, and pretty much expects, us to take this step. The fact that this part of our journey together is seen by others as a natural progression; just a pit stop on the road of life.

The fact that, for so many other couples, it is not.

Meg from A Practical Wedding wrote of how she and her now-husband considered ways to incorporate their support of marriage equality into their own wedding. I’ve never been particularly vocal or publicly active about gay marriage rights, but over the past few months that post has hummed quietly at the back of my mind. And as the heartbreaks continue to stack up, it’s become more and more clear how important marriage equality is to our society, and how important it is to me.

So. I want the beau and I to do something to recognize our friends and family who don’t have it nearly as easy as we do. The problem is how. The beau and I are unfortunately* not Jewish, so Meg’s ideas that involve Jewish traditions won’t work for us. And I really love the concept of including a statement in the ceremony program, but I don’t think we’re going to have a program.

I thought briefly about making a small speech at the reception, but that feels a bit like preaching, and it’s not like the vast majority of our guests will need much convincing on the subject, anyway. Incorporating our support of marriage equality into the ceremony feels more organic, and more powerful — it could perhaps be as simple as having the officiant offer a prayer or a few moments of silence in recognition of marriage rights for everyone. Then again, that alone seems a bit understated. Perhaps we could also place cards at each seat with a quote and a few words?

I’m not sure what we should do yet. But I do know that it feels completely ridiculous to fret about what kind of save-the-dates to send out for the wedding when there are people out there who cannot have a wedding. That’s a mind-bender and a soul-searcher, right there.

How would you show your support of marriage equality?

 

* There’s a long-running joke between us that I wish he was, but that’s another post for another time