Source: discovery.com
Last Friday I came across Say Yes To The Dress on television. I laughed, I cried, I was horrified, etc. You know the drill. The hands-down freakiest moment was this episode-capping voiceover by the narrator:
“There’s a special bond between a bride and her father. It’s a bond built on years of trust, which begins just after she’s born. He’ll always be the one who protects his little girl — and makes all of her dreams come true.”
OK. WEIRD. Not to mention CREEPY. Not to mention that this ties right back into the aforementioned hero pathos, in which the marriage ceremony symbolizes the bride’s transfer of adulation from her father to her new prince. Presumably.
You know, if my father is supposed to make all of my dreams come true,* then why am I not living an independently wealthy life replete with a charming old urban rustic home and a travel itinerary that would elicit envy from even the most globetrotting trust funder?
Sigh. Sometimes I feel like I get insulated out here in “alternative” weddingland. I troll around the blogs and websites I like and that’s it, that’s my whole universe. Then I see something like Say Yes and it’s like a revelation: Oh my god, there are belief systems out there which are entirely different from my own. It boggles the mind.
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* Am I not supposed to be the one who makes my dreams come true? Is that not my responsibility and mine alone?
I’m so glad you are as freaked out by those shows/ideals/obsessions as I am. I can’t believe some of those dresses are more than our entire budget. Thank you for being awesome!
first, you two are insanely cute. sometimes even vomit-inducing cute. it’s hard to take at 9am. but i love you for it.
second, that whole sentiment, about dads and whatnot…barf. just ew. that one sentence sums up so much that is bad and wrong, and it is gross. it also reminds me of the fact that when i was 16, my cousin and i were, for some strange reason, discussing marriage and weddings, and i said that if i ever did get married, i was not going to be given away, because that was some medieval patriarchal bullshit right there. i belong to no one, i am my own person, and dammit i am not going to be given away like a piece of property.
in the years since, i have calmed down somewhat. i’ve seen the giving away done well – at their wedding, my friends jeff & katie were each walked down the aisle by both parents, which i thought was sweet and much more along the lines of “go forth and make a family of your own” than “here is our daughter, our gift to you.” and i understand wanting to keep with tradition and wanting to involve your parents. to each her own, whatever. but just reading your recap of that show made my skin crawl and activated my gag reflex. other belief systems, indeed.
i love you. i really do.
i like the idea of having both parents walk with you, as well. it’s sweet indeed. and it also reflects the fact that both of my parents made an impact on me, not just my dad. i know it’s traditional now, and not literal, but the walk up the aisle by the dad and the handover to the waiting groom at the altar just screams “transfer of ownership” to me. here, you have her. she’s your problem now.
Yes. It’s up to you to follow your dreams. And the state lotto. They should come through.
I also feel this way when people assume my parents are paying for my wedding. Uh, really? Because everyone’s parents have money?
I keep wondering why the lotto hasn’t drawn my numbers yet. It’s time to stop playing coy, California. You may be broke, but COME ON. Stop playing hide and go seek with my $32 million.
And on parents paying: RIGHT???
Yeah, I love how people look at me pityingly when I say we’ve got a long engagement because we’re saving for the wedding. And then they ask “but aren’t your parents paying?” So many things wrong with this scenario. (Maybe my parents aren’t rolling in it either – did you think of that? Or maybe I don’t WANT them to refinance the house to pay for my party. Or maybe I’m an adult and can handle my own darn party?!)
End tangent. Also, I like the dress shows for the sheer ridiculousness. Too bad I don’t have cable anymore to watch them.
I am the first to admit I watched, probably, a full four episodes of Say Yes on Friday. It was just… like… I was unable to stop. Like watching a car crash in slow motion, except instead of cars, there are floofy dresses, and you are like WOW, look at those dresses.
I am truly sorry for your cable loss.
I am cheering your decision to pay for the wedding yourself, as well. Where do people think parents get all that money, anyway?
admittedly, i have class on the brain these days because i just read that book, but i am going to venture that the idea that the wedding will be paid for by parents is at least partially class-based. in the book, the author made a sort of off-hand comment about how blue collar folk tend to see their child raised at 18, an adult who now needs to deal with their own crap and act like an adult, where white collar/middle class folk see their parenting duties as extending quite a bit beyond 18.
now, these are obviously generalities and don’t speak to every family or situation. but i think there’s something there. my mom couldn’t afford to pay for a wedding on my behalf, and i don’t know if she would even if she could. i’m sure she’d offer me something, but frankly it’s never been an issue. whereas my boss, who is definitely upper middle class, just shelled out a bundle for her daughter’s wedding. now her son is engaged and she just mentioned the other day that the groom’s family is responsible for the rehearsal dinner (or something) and so they’d be paying for that.
but to get back to your question: i think there’s the assumption in the middle and upper classes that by the time you’re old enough to have a marriageable daughter, you’re settled in your career and making a good income. maybe you’ve even paid off the house. you have disposable income to fling at your children, and it’s your responsibility to get them started on the path of middle class adulthood: down payment for a house, wedding fees, etc.
and then there’s the tradition of the dowry, but maybe we should just not go there.