Source: woodstock.com
So. I was supposed to be out sailing the seas of the internet, looking for a wedding dress. I have not done this. Oh sure, I’ve “looked” at wedding dresses online, in the sense that my retinas have perceived reflected light from photos of wedding dresses featured in the numerous blog posts and wedding sites I read. But yeah, overall, complete fail. Not only have I not stumbled across anything I like, I have not even tried to find anything I like. I am flunking dresses, here.
You may wonder why I haven’t just hauled my happy ass into a store to look at dresses. Or perhaps you are just daydreaming about cheese.* Well, madam, I can’t help you out there (personally, just between us, I’m currently enamored of gouda), but I can tell you there’s a good reason I haven’t actually physically gone to a store yet.** See, Santa Barbara is kind of isolated, here on the elbow of California. We don’t have a Target. We don’t have a Wal-mart.*** We don’t have Olive Garden, or Kohl’s, or Lowe’s. We don’t even have billboard advertisements on the sides of the freeway, because that would cheapen the city’s image. I know, like GASP, right?
It’s nice, in many ways: The fact that I don’t live in just another box-store suburbia. But while strict zoning policies help maintain Santa Barbara’s image as an exclusive vacation town, it also means high-end retail chains are favored over affordable or independent shops. Walk up and down our main street and all you’ll see is Coach, Juicy, Banana Republic, Bebe, Betsey Johnson, Michael Stars, Saks, you get the picture. You’ll also pass a ludicrous number of frozen yogurt stores,**** but that’s beside the point. All this fancypants-ness helps make Santa Barbara a “destination wedding” mecca, replete with all the pricey trappings that industry brings. Accordingly, all the bridal shops I’ve seen here are of the overpriced, poofy ball-gown variety. What’s a fairly sensible girl to do? Where’s a fairly sensible girl to go?
At the start of this whole wedding planning thing, when I asked my mom how she’d like to be involved, she said all she really wanted was to go dress shopping with me. Good deal. Difficult to pull off, however, when your mom lives on the opposite coast. But next week. Next week. I will be in northern Virginia, with the beau, visiting my parents for Christmas. My mom and I have set aside a day to go out dress shopping together.
I’m not really sure what my mother has in mind, here. I’m kind of picturing us going to, you know, bridal salons. Or boutiques. Which is not necessarily what I want, but then again I’m not sure what I want. Are they called by a certain name? Do certain types have certain names? Do I have to make appointments in advance at most of them? How can I differentiate between the crappy ones and the cool ones? How can I know which shops are super spendy and which are budget-friendly? And oh god, wait. What do I even want? I need to look at things to know what I want, but how am I supposed to know what I want without looking first? I don’t want to waste the saleslady’s time, you know? Which is why I need to research ahead of time, if only I would ACTUALLY DO IT instead of just fretting about it and sweet Jesus I don’t even know which stores to go to in the Washington D.C. area, there has got to be about five million so how can I even choose among them, and maybe they will throw me out when they find out I don’t actually live there since I’m less likely to buy a dress there, but what the hell, I could always buy a dress there and then have it altered somewhere else, like hello, I’m a potential customer after all, why do they have to be so rude.
*deep breathing*
I just feel completely lost. I have no clue how this works. What I need is someone to take my hand and say, “Come with me, this is what we’re going to do.” But I have no sisters. Well, I have no siblings at all, really. I have no family nearby. I am the first of my closest friends to get married. There’s no one I know who’s done this before, you feel me?
That’s OK. I can figure it out. I will figure it out. And the bright side of knowing no one who’s been through this before, of course, is that no one can push their opinion on me of how exactly it ought to be done. Which means I can go my own way, unimpeded.
Not that I will be going anywhere without this cheese.
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* Come on. Spill it. Which one? Brie? Rochefort? Perhaps a nice gruyere?
** Outside of the fact that I hate going to stores, even.
*** Not that I’m complaining about this.
**** L.A. people: Pinkberry?? Yeah, we have one of those here now. But anyway, what’s with this froyo trend? People are acting like it’s the first one, evar, but I seem to recall there was a wave of froyo sometime around the start of the nineties. Right? Am I making this up? R.I.P. Penguins.
one of sandy’s close friends works in a bridal salon. want me to ask if she’d be willing to give you a little advice?
Sure, sure. I could certainly use it.
1. Smoked gouda, obviously.
2. Make an appointment for a store or two now, or you won’t get in. I’d suggest emailing the woman at http://www.aFoxyWedding.com to ask for recommendations because she used to own a DC wedding dress store and she’s actually sane and awesome.
3. Make a list of your dress values & budget before you even start to think about dresses. Mine is here, and it helped keep me sane when I saw too much sparkle, poof and (occasional) actual prettiness: http://www.alosangeleslove.com/2009/11/i-dont-believe-in-one.html
4. Get a bridal magazine. Ug, I know, but do it. Pay no attention to prices or names, just rip pages with silhouettes you think you like. Rip out ads, articles, whatever. Think about what’s flattering to you normally and think about your dress values from #3 above. Take the photos with you.
5. Try stuff on. you DON’T need to commit to buying anything now. You’re getting a sense of what works on your body type, for your style, and for your budget.
6. Think on it. You may hate everything you try, but it’s at least a direction. Then, remember you don’t need to buy anything from a salon and you can start to scour craigslist, pre-owned dress sites, department stores, vintage shops, alternative prom-type options and LA bargains to help out (we have more variety down here and therefore better pricing options, on occasion) If your budget allows, I also have a list of independent dress designers who can build you the dress of your dreams so you never have to set foot in a store again. Some are traditional bridal, some are not. You’ll start figuring out what you like once you jump in.
7. Have fun playing dress up. If you treat it like that, it can actually be a blast. Because of course you’re going to find something awesome, and of course you’ll look amazing, regardless of whatever dress you end up buying.
You are it. You are my knight(ess?) in shining armor. I have taken heed, and will be pretty much doing everything on your list. Thanks so much for your advice!
totally cracked up reading this. i am sitting here eating all the cookies my future mother in law is baking….and i read her your entire entry and we were both laughing heartily.
that show sucks me in. in a bad way. it’s almost so repulsive it’s like a train wreck that i can’t turn it off – and the WORST ones are the highlights of those who go dress shopping with their fathers (and ahemmmm…need their father’s approval on the dress?) make me feel all icky inside.
Your mother-in-law is clearly awesome. Cookies!