“Sometimes I wonder if this whole wedding thing is worth it,” the beau announced, slouched in his chair.
I looked up from the couch, where I was doing my taxes. All ears.
“It’s just so much money,” he went on. “Money that we could save for a down payment on a house, or something big. We could just take part of our wedding budget, buy our parents plane tickets, and go get married in Prague. And then travel. It would be so much fun.”
OK, true. So… do we want to do that? Just call off the wedding? Totally revamp our plans?
“I guess not,” he sighed.
Way to be convincing.
I’m beginning to think that the OMG-WE-SHOULD-JUST-ELOPE moments don’t ever stop happening. That those second thoughts just keep on coming right up until the wedding day.
You there, reading this. Am I right? Is this your experience?
I keep thinking about all the things we could do with the wedding money. We have a house but it’s itty bitty and needs some help. We could fix up the kitchen so that there are more than three cabinets! Or buy some furniture that wasn’t his older brother’s and isn’t stained! Or we could pay off one of our student loans! Or we could take a month off from work and go to Europe! Or we could just put all $12,000 in cash on our bed an lay on it and giggle maniacally. Or I could get my eyes fixed so that I can see at night and he could get a new motorcycle! Endless possibilities!!!
So yeah. I feel ya girl, 100%. The fact that I wasn’t on board with the whole wedding in the first place adds insult to financial and emotional injury. I want to elope so badly!! But, it was a big thing for Dave and it was a big thing for our moms. I’m going along with it and injecting my personality as much as I can (blue dress; pies; no aisle or giving me away), since a wedding in any form is all his thing.
I agree with the comment below. All days i think of elope…..but after those thinkings….i really know we will enjoy like maniacs our wedding day, with all our friends, family, etc….
so…let´s wait…patiently…to the big day….i´m sure it will be lengendary!!
We had this conversation a lot. Mainly towards the end when things were getting annoying. It usually ended with me getting mad and yelling “Well you should have thought of that before we sent out STDs and put down deposits!!!!” and storming off.
In the end our wedding was perfect and we stuck to the budget we had planned for, and we’re very happy with the whole big froo froo ordeal.
I’ve stopped vocalizing it, but yes, the moments are real and keep happening. For me. Because my partner doesn’t really understand how awful this can be because the brunt of the cost and research and work falls on me by necessity (salary levels, knowledge, ability to take care of this crap.) He tries, of course, but he really doesn’t get it. which makes me want to elope all the more. Awesome. And then I think about the reason we’re doing this and about the parts that are actually exciting me, and it’s okay again. Usually.
I should add, however, that we both made a decision to have the wedding because sharing the celebration and ceremony with people who matter was very important to us. The stress of the planning and the expense, however, continue to make me doubt and panic. But, much like everyone here has mentioned, we’re doing this because it’s ultimately important to us. And so, we soldier on.
I had a dream last night of being attacked by a reindeer with gigantic antlers inside a bridal store. I think you can gather from that where I stand on wedding planning right now….
The fiance and I made the conscious decision to have an actual wedding well before he proposed. We don’t like being the centre of attention, we like being practical with our money, neither one of us really dreamed of a traditional wedding…. but after a relatively short conversation we realized we wanted to make the commitment in front our community. We wanted to bring everyone together and have this special day. So I felt like we actually arrived at this decision incredibly rationally and sort of realized for ourselves why people have weddings to begin with. So for the most part we’ve managed to avoid the elopement regrets.
But that doesn’t mean I don’t sometimes stop and really think about the money. We are spending $600 on flowers – which seems perfectly reasonable in wedding land, but in real money land?!? Holy crap, $600 on flowers?!? When is last time I even considered spending that on anything, let alone something that will die within a couple days??
YES!!!! This is totally how we both feel too. The elopement envy keeps cropping up every time I remember what else we could do with the same money, or every time I feel like I’m putting a lot of effort in to organisiing a party that relatives want/expect (yet show no interest in, even to the point of totally ignoring the invitation for weeks…weird, huh…..they’d be spitting feathers if they weren’t invited though…..). I keep sane (sort of!) by reminding myself that I did (after a lot of deliberation) actively CHOOSE to organise some kind of celebration (ie that I definitely didn’t want to just do “nothing”)….. it’s just a constant struggle to keep reining back in everybody else’s over-the-top plans for our wedding as we want it to be simple, low-key and not expensive. So much stress is caused by unthinking comments by people who have no understanding of what it takes to organise even a tiny celebration….it’s like herding cats!
They totally never stop happening. And we still thought it was worth it in the end.
In my imaginary wedding scrapbook I am totally never going to make, there is an imaginary page depicting all the houses on which we could have put a down payment, all the causes to which we could have made a hefty donation, all the places we could have seen on the world tour, all the interest we could have earned if we invested. And then I will paint over that collage with broad brushstrokes of whatever color ends up being our wedding color: “IT WAS WORTH IT.”
Man, we’re both right there. If I had to do it all over, I would have the best damn elopement evveeerrrr. Then a great party when I got back.
Sending out the invites killed these thoughts for me. We had simply gone too far.
Happens to me EVERY single day. If only our friends and family were in a place where they could financially join us for an exotic wedding/ elopement.
I just want to elope! But then again the dog and pony show is fun to look back on…
I’m hoping the “F it! Lets elope!” moments stop, but so far no luck. We go through this a lot, but I think we have passed a point and would now loose significant cash if we backed out.
And in the end, a party with all my friends and family is still what I want. It just costs more than expected. But its a party I want, so its a party I’m gonna pay for!
Good luck!
Its tempting to elope, but if you want a wedding, do it! Money comes and goes. Memories and the loves shared lasts a life time!
We had just finished the ceremony and yichud (we’re not Jewish) and we standing on the stairs waiting to be introduced and start the toasts and dancing and drinking and just about bailed to go home and have a nap. No lie. We seriously debating bailing.
We spend the whole honeymoon vowing to never ever get married again.
Okay, fine, it was a lot of fun, but we debating calling off the whole “Wedding Thing” (NOT the marriage) even while we were doing it. Had fun though!