I just saw the last family member off this afternoon. The bridal shower weekend is officially over. So that’s, like, done. And stuff.
You know, it occurred to me way back during the initial planning process that putting on a bridal shower was like a staging a wedding in miniature. Now that I’ve come through the other side, I understand just how right I was. To wit:
The last-minute crunch. The week before the shower was particularly crazed. I rushed around like a madwoman running errands, getting supplies, making favors, checking with vendors, communicating with traveling family, and just generally coordinating shit. Sound familiar? Yeah, I thought so too.
Things went uncontrollably awry. The dessert stand broke in the car on the way to the shower. Oh, and the place the shower was being hosted? The place I had visited in person two days earlier to confirm that they were still opening early for us? Yeah. We arrived to find the doors were locked and the lights were dark. No one was there. The place wasn’t clean, nothing was set up and guests were beginning to arrive. I had to make some frantic phone calls to get the owner down there. I nearly had a heart attack.
The urge to play hostess was overwhelming. I know it isn’t possible to ensure all of the people are happy all of the time, but that didn’t stop me trying. I spent the entire shower, nay, the entire weekend, attempting to make sure everyone had something to eat, something to drink, and someone to talk to. Talk about effort.
The unpredictable actions of others. My mother, I don’t know. She has a special way of driving me up a wall sometimes. Enough said.
Happy surprises abounded. Because of the snafu with the bar/café forgetting about our party, we got a few free bottles of wine, as well as a tray of shots. My friends? Adopted each other. My family? Adopted my friends. My aunts are still talking about how cool my friends are. Everyone was BFFs by the end of the day, which: AWESOME.* Best unplanned moment of the party was the spontaneous karaoke on the cafe’s patio. The song list included “Like a Prayer, “Thing Called Love,” even “Gin and Juice.” We ended up having so much fun at the shower that we all decided to go to dinner together. It was truly amazing, and I couldn’t have asked for anything more.
My emotions were out of control. I grinned like a fool. I cried — both happy and sad. I laughed my head off. I got mad and unfairly took it out on the beau. But my lowest of lows came at dinner the night of the shower. After we arrived, someone insisted that I move seats away from my friends. I sat there watching my friends have fun at the other end of the table, and something snapped. I started sobbing. I tried to step away and calm down, but the thought of returning to the table with a red face and glassy eyes just made me cry harder. Gah. I missed ordering any food and I spent most of dinner M.I.A. Not my shiningest moment, no.
My wing(wo)men came through. Hard. When that dessert stand broke, one quick-thinking brigadier made a last-second detour to pick up a substitute. When I broke down at dinner, another brigadier spent a substantial portion of her evening trying to talk me down from the edge. Both of them packed up the bridal shower gear after the party was over so I wouldn’t have to worry about it. I can’t thank them enough for sticking up for me.
Total overload. On the whole, the experience was totally draining, both physically and mentally. I haven’t been so thoroughly exhausted in a very long time. I wasn’t planning on taking Monday off, but when my very kind boss offered to let me, I agreed. And boy, was I glad I did. I slept 10 hours and spent the afternoon reading a book. A book!** I don’t think I’ve read a book since Christmas. It was my own personal post-shower honeymoon, and I was ever so glad for it.
And I am ever so glad it’s all over. But I’m also sad it’s all over, and I miss all my people who came out for it, terribly.
In summary, the bridal shower weekend totally felt like a test run for the wedding. The good news is that now I have about four months to figure out how to avoid the bad parts – or at least minimize them.
Yeah, good luck with that, right?
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* UPDATE: I remembered after publishing this that one of my friends and my cousin became SUCH BFFs that they went out drinking and karaoke-ing until 1 in the morning after the shower. Uh, yeah.
** It was Don Cherry’s Hockey Stories and Stuff, but still. It was still a book! With words! Printed on a page!
i’m having my bachelorette this weekend, and i’m already in shambles. hold on tight!!!
Sounds like a stressful time mixed in with a good time. Glad you were able to take the next day for yourself. We all need that recover time.
I am jealous of your tray of free shots! I appreciate your joy over friends and family connecting! I sympathize with the ill-timed cryfest! All in all, I am glad you had a great shower weekend.
sounds like quite a weekend! now you’re stronger and you will kick wedding butt (I imagine regardless of how much you prepare you will both grin and cry at your wedding though, hopefully nothing will break though but if it does you will have your friends and fam to do damage control)
You know you got this! Even when you’re red in the face and eyes are swollen from sobbing, you got this. And if you seem to lose hold of it, you have your amazing brigadiers, wonderful beau and super cool aunts for support.
Oh, I could totally see myself having a lil breakdown/cry fest too. My emotions, when extreme, come out as tears. Whether thats happy, nervous, angry, whatever, they manifest as tears. Then, you are right, once you start its hard to stop and resume whatever was going on.
One thing I try to remember when I start crying is this. Everyone knows your crying. No need to hide it. And what do I think when someone else is crying? Never is it “omg, get a grip!” its “omg, i want to make her feel better!” So going back with red eyes is definitely ok since everyone already knows and everyone just wants to see you back with a smile on your face! and I think a smile helps hide the red/poofy/tear tracks, too!
xoxo
It sounds like your weekend of highs and lows has given you a few lessons for the wedding. I think the best anyone can do is just embrace the rollercoaster of emotions and just enjoy the ride no matter what happens. In the end, you’ll be married and it’ll be worth the journey.
I’m happy you had such a good shower despite the bumps. Having everyone bond sounds wonderful.
Glad to hear about the crying…I had a shower in Turkey where no one spoke English (of course), and I broke down ahead of time because of my hair. Not a normal thing for me (if I brush my hair, it’s a good day), and I couldn’t stop crying. There has got to be a way to make these situations non-stressful…
I hope so too, Kay! But when it happens, I know I have to just roll with it… and try to forget about it later, even though it’s not easy.
I get this. All of it. The minor freak-outs, the major poorly timed cryfest, the good stuff. It sounds like my last trip home, which may be why my next trip home (this weekend) is going to be a lot shorter.
I think if all this wedding stuff weren’t emotional, then that would be a sign that it is the wrong thing.
I like that line of thought, Sarah. I’m going to remember that.
oh wow, that sounds incredibly emotionally exhausting. I got sympathy emotional exhaustion just reading it. And now I’m realizing how utterly screwed I’m going to be. Since so many of the important wedding people (both my parents, 2/3 bridesmaids, etc) are coming in from out-of-town, ALL the wedding festivities will be packed into one week. Bachelorette, shower, various gatherings with the out-of-towners, rehearsal dinner, topped off with the wedding. IN ONE WEEK. Holy freaken crap. And despite my ability to pretend to be so, I am so not emotionally calm and controlled! I generally need to buffer social events with alone time to just process… or something. And when I don’t get that time, it eventually leads to some sort of meltdown, which for that week should land right about thursday or friday. And I’m seriously just realizing this right now. Which is good, it reminds me that I need to build in alone-time into that week and to not feel guilty for doing so. Otherwise by the wedding, I will be an utter mess.
P.S. This was the meeting of the moms right? how’d that go?
Oh my gosh, Nina! You have quite a jam-packed week in store. BLUH.
You’re right on the nose with the alone time, though. I didn’t get any from Thursday until Monday, because my Mom was staying with us in our house. Not a terribly long time, but it was enough that I had to be “on” continuously for a few days straight. I think that contributed to the breakdown(s). Uh, that and the booze, at least.
One lesson learned from this, and from you: I will not let anybody stay in our house during the wedding weekend. ANYBODY.
Well I’m already a lost cause on that – my mom is staying with us for two weeks prior and the couple days after until we go on the honeymoon (she’s coming from pretty far after all). While not necessarily ideal, I actually think that’ll be ok. She’s laid back and also requires down-time, so we can quite happily blob around minding our own business when needed.
I have nothing wise to say, since you said it all. It absolutely sounds like a wedding in miniature, with (comparatively muted) emotional highs/lows in comparison with a wedding. Oh boy.
This is why I will keep Jason nearby the night before and morning of the wedding. He calms me like no one else, and I’ll need that quiet time together as a buffer against the overwhelmong emotions. It’s also why I know the honeymoon is so crucial – even if it’s just a few days alone together – because we’ll need time to just be emotionally exhausted together.
But it sounds enviably amazing and perfect and right in ways you couldn’t have anticipated. And those are the parts I’m looking forward to, despite the craziness and total overload. So happy this all happened for you.