As we creep ever closer to the hallowed 100-day mark* I’ve been a tad, how shall I say, down in the mouth about all those things on that wedding to-do list I’ve been ignoring. A week ago I actually had to lie down in the grass during a wine-tasting trek** because I was having stress-induced stomach cramps over this list. See? This is why I tend to ignore it in the first place. I’ve found that ignorance truly is bliss – at least until someone asks about the infernal wedding again.
Lately it seems like everything is a reason for people to furrow their brows at us in disbelief. You don’t have your website done? Brow furrow. You don’t have the invitations done? Brow furrow. You haven’t made a playlist? You haven’t made a map of your table layout? You don’t have a registry? A dessert order? Your honeymoon planned? Epic brow furrow supreme.
Meanwhile, there are other things going on. We are both trying to figure out what we’re wearing on the big day. We’re trying to figure out what we want in a ceremony. I am writing my bridal shower thank-you cards. We’re finalizing hotel blocks. Finalizing where the rehearsal picnic will be held. Finalizing the dinner menu. We have jobs to tend, oh yeah that’s right, WE ARE EMPLOYED FULL-TIME AT ORGANIZATIONS THAT MAKE US DO THINGS ENTIRELY UNRELATED TO WEDDINGS FOR SUBSTANTIAL PORTIONS OF THE DAY.*** I also have a blog to write. And some semblance of a social life to maintain. And I have to get my cousin a card for his high school graduation, and I have to send my friend a birthday gift EVEN THOUGH HER BIRTHDAY WAS LAST WEEK,**** and I have to change the oil in my car, and, and, and AND.
I didn’t mean to turn this post into a whinefest. It’s just that we’re finally in the thick of it. We’re past the point of what ifs and should wes and well maybes and into rolling up those sleeves and grinding it out. I am suddenly hyperaware that this is a very strange and unique phase in our lives that we’ll never, if we’re lucky, ever repeat: The all-wedding-all-the-time crunch.
Tonight we had a meeting with the caterer and he drew out a map of the venue along with where everything would go: Bar, dancefloor, gift table, buffet, dessert table, everything. And as we were walking through the timeline of the day I finally saw in my mind, for the first time, all of those things in their respective places, and our friends milling around with drinks, and our families giving tearful toasts near the dancefloor, and it was REAL. This thing is real and it’s happening. And we’re rolling.
Maybe we’re not rolling particularly fast, but damn if we’re not doing the best we can.
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* Which BY THE WAY is happening next week.
** And I know what you’re thinking, but no, I actually hadn’t even had any of the damn wine yet.
*** I’m sorry, but the capslock key just flowed forth mercilessly in this post.
**** Sorry, man. I’m lame.
That’s the thing about weddings, life keep rolling even though you have planning and grinding to do. What gets down is what’s most important. That that doesn’t, oh well. Those folks furrowing their brows at you will pay for their wasted judgement — with deeper wrinkles. 😉
don’t let the epic brow furrowers get you down. they will be there til the day of and after. you are doing things, planning, thinking about them. i find myself doing everything but wedding stuff when it stresses me out (which is why my garden is bangin this year!). i am always wrestling with the idea that I am not doing things ‘on time’ (basically the knot’s time). who the hell cares really? if its done before the day of thats all the matters and if it doesn’t get done, no one will notice or it wasn’t a big deal. I’m pretty sure if I show up I’m good.
UGH I agree. Brow furrow SUCKS.
We had a very bad weekend with the in-laws the other week (long weekend in Canada May 2-4), and it was wedding talk all.the.weekend.long.
when we got back we hadn’t made any decisions other than i was so friggin’ angry at his dad… and he no longer (fiance) wanted to talk about the wedding.
le sigh.
um, yes. ugh. so many things to do! i’ve felt like it was far away and we had plenty of time while it was five months away… then four… and now three months is creeping up on my calendar and 100 days is next week, as you said and i’m starting to panic. What, we should invite people soon? what?!
ah good luck. i’m glad my chaotic experience with the approach of 9/18 isn’t just my own 🙂
Feeling the same way right about now…. we’re 72 days out.
Ms. Bunny is right. It sucks when life just wants to keep on rolling when we’re like, “please just stop for a damn second so we finalize the menu!” But now, life keeps reminding us of hte birthday cards, oil changes (finally getting mine done), and oh yea our full-time jobs.
And I’m going to say this because I think I can learn from it too:
You are worried because you care. You are stressed because you are invested. And as long as you care enough about your wedding invest so much energy into it, it’s going to be awesome.
ROLLING COUNTS. Even if you’re rolling at your own pace.
My full time job is going to be super happy once our wedding is done. Apparently I can’t concentrate on this many things at once! (aka my productivity at work is down and I blame it all on you, Blog Land!)
Good luck! I know its dumb to say it will all work out…but it will. Deep breaths. Go hug your to-be hubby. And think about what a great word “hubby” is and that you get to call someone that soon!
Angie, your comment suddenly and completely relaxed me:
“You are worried because you care. You are stressed because you are invested. And as long as you care enough about your wedding invest so much energy into it, it’s going to be awesome.”
Thank you, thank you.
Welcome! 🙂
Don’t let the brow-furrowers stress you out too much. Or the Knot timelines. It will all come together in time. Even crazy last-minute stuff will work out—like I ordered rental dishes and supplies for DIY catering the actual week of the wedding and ordered our rehearsal dinner food the day before the rehearsal dinner. Oops! But it was okay, and nobody knew the difference from the final result. 🙂
But yes…so stressful….. Hang in there! (And just think….when this is all over, you can relax in married bliss.) 🙂
I’m in the eff it stage of wedding planning (faced with my family’s complete indifference but total congeniality), so I may be the wrong person to listen to, but here goes nothing. Whatever doesn’t get done (except the license and officiant, obviously) is unnecessary; it’s just gravy or frosting — feel free to pick your metaphor. So roll at your own pace and if some stuff doesn’t get done, it doesn’t get done. It will still be your wedding, and you and Beau will be married, which is all that really matters anyway.
As I am entering into the eff it stage, I keep re-reading Ms. Awesome’s May 24 blog entry for a reminder why we’re doing all of this, and how lucky we are that we are allowed to marry. http://www.msawesome.com/blog/?p=1325
And hugs.
Exact same thing happened to me at about the 3 month mark. Something about that number that makes you realize you can’t pretend it’s way off in the future anymore. And I hit a really rough patch. Suddenly it seemed so overwhelming, all the decisions we had been putting off had to be made – basically I couldn’t lollygag in lala-land anymore (that was an odd sentence). I was actually really down for a few weeks (there may have been an incident of bursting out crying in the middle of vacuuming when I spotted one more damn thing we had to deal with). But after a few weeks, it just sort of faded away. Maybe I finally got used to the idea that this is really happening, or maybe the slow trudging along of getting things done here and there was finally reaping it’s rewards – but I’m totally calm now (ok totally calm is a serious exaggeration, let’s say nervous but excited anticipation). It’s June 3rd today, so I’m exactly a month away.
So in conclusion, you’ll be fine. You’ll be more than fine, I promise.
So the bar review course I am taking gives us check boxes for every bit of studying we do: attending lectures, reading notes, doing practice questions. And then it tells you what percentage of all check boxes you have completed. There is a progress bar. And an obnoxious little carrot on the progress bar that marks where you should be.
I am sort of having a love affair with these check boxes, such that when the website was down yesterday, I wanted to punch the computer, and when I found a back entrance to the check box site even though the link was disabled, I cheered out loud.
Do they have that progress bar on wedding checklists? I haven’t looked, because a) so many people disparage the checklists and b) I should probably first get to the point where ANYTHING can be checked off other than [] Find groom, [] Get engaged, and [] Blog a lot).
Breeeeeeeathe. And maybe take a few swigs of that wine – g’head, right outta the bottle – we’ll wait. 😉
I had a freak out at 6mos & again at 100 days(last Fri BTW) so I feel you. To be honest, you’ll get all the stuff done that needs to get done and all the stuff you want to get done. Everything else will fall by the wayside and it doesn’t matter. If you don’t have programs for church, favors & all the other crap they shove in our face? Dude, no one will notice or care. Focus on the stuff YOU care about – you & your FI. I know it sounds epically cheezy – but in the end: that really IS all that matters.
Oh shit, we’re supposed to send invitations? And they take time to decide on the design, the wording, and then to get printed? And then addressed and shit?
Crap, 3 months to go, I ‘spose I too should get moving. But yeah, the whole job thing, and other people’s weddings to attend and buy presents for, and fathers day, and everyone and their mom’s birthdays to gift.
Somehow it will get done though, and it will be awesome, because it always does. Also, I think for an indecisive overanalyzer like moi, the time pressure will actually be awesome, as it will force decisions. It it feels good to be decided.
Good luck!
I built our wedding website the night our invitations went out and mail sent within Hawaii takes ONE DAY. And because I’m fancy and overly ambitious and work in web dev, I had to make it totally custom (complete with a cute to us domain name!). In one day. So YAY for the procrastinators.
I hit the OMFG #$%@ moment about 3 months out but I finally hit the whatever point and have started letting stuff go. And we still haven’t finalized a menu. 4.5 weeks to go!
Unsolicited advice (since I know this was mostly a much-needed rant): I find things easier to power through when I’m editing versus creating-from-scratch. So… I’d recommend stealing sample playlists from hifi weddings to help (gah! I hate that song, what about this instead? IOoh, I love that song, check!). Look at someone else’s registry to help plan your own. Remember that you can’t go wrong with any dessert because it’s dessert. remember that some of it won’t matter much in the end. It’s real and it’s happening and it all sounds very exciting and it will be amazing. Even if you don’t figure out table arrangements until three nights beforehand (remember that escort cards aren’t required and you could just print them out, post them all on a pretty poster board and be done.) Shortcuts, ftw.
Yeah, what’s up with work? Oh, sorry, I’m supposed to DO something at that place? Interesting. (Luckily my boss is ridiculous.)
Anyhoo. 78 days out here . . . I’m just effing happy to get these invitations off of the coffee table and out of my LIFE. As in, I tossed the extras up on a shelf in a closet so I wouldn’t have to look at them anymore. In fact, we had to send about half to Ireland (which is why I was being such an a**hole about sending them out earlier than usual), and I was in such a hurry to get rid of them that I think I put one in there that was supposed to stay on this continent. *shrug*
Himself doesn’t know what he’s wearing, and we haven’t really looked at the ceremony in any concrete way whatsoever. Gifts for the wedding peeps? Eh? We don’t know where we’re staying the night of the wedding, nor have we planned anything for the post-wedding vacation/honeymoon. It’s so much!! It’s all so much!!!!!!
Le sigh indeed, Eco Yogini. Le sigh.
This is all to say . . . we hear ya. Roll on!!