It’s funny how we’re sort of born with our personalities firmly rooted in place. Each morning my second grade teacher, Mrs. O’Keefe, would lead us in a rousing rendition of “Oh, What a Beautiful Morning” from the musical Oklahoma! as we marched single-file into the classroom. Each morning. Oh, how I despised this routine. The song was a lie, a despicable lie, for if everything was truly going my way, I would not have been at school in the first place. And it didn’t help that the line about the corn being as high as an elephant’s eye would usually haunt me for the rest of the day.
Yep. I was a cynic from the start.
Looking back, this seems ridiculous. “Lighten up,” I want to tell my second-grade self. “You are seven years old.” But even though I’m not quite the misanthrope I once was, I still sort of, well, am. All of which makes the hunt for wedding music that much more complex, because I am just all sorts of turned off by your typical love songs. I need only glance at The Knot’s 50 Classic First Dance Songs and I immediately feel a bit queasy.
It’s not just that I don’t generally listen to that type of music. It’s that the heartfelt descriptions of love contained therein don’t really apply to my relationship. I love my partner, but I’m sorry, our love does not lift us up where we belong (where the eagles cry, on a mountain high). I am not everything I am because you loved me (uh, codependent much?). It all goes straight back to my second-grade aversion to “Oh, What a Beautiful Morning”: I don’t like being told what to feel, and when to feel it. My love isn’t contrived. It’s not something that fits off the rack, or straight out of the box. And maybe it’s just that old subversive, stubborn side of me coming out, but it so follows that I don’t think that songs played at weddings are required be 100% about fluffy, buttery love.* After all, in the immortal words of Etta James, “At last, my love has come along / If only you wouldn’t leave your clothes strewn all over the goddamned floor / And I really can’t stand that noise you make when you chew.”
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying it would be fitting to throw some plodding, melancholia-inducing music on at the wedding and commence with the collective navel-gazing. But I know plenty of happy, uptempo tunes that aren’t necessarily about falling in or being in love. That and I love too many wonderful songs that, if you listen closely, are about breakups or hardships or not even necessarily about love at all. Why should I ban these from my wedding because they don’t follow a particular script? Huh?
So, yeah. Wedding songs. I have been thinking about them.
I’ve been pondering those infernal first dance songs the most, because let’s face it. The first dance — should you choose to have one — between you and your beloved is a statement. It’s like putting up a giant billboard in the middle of your wedding that reads: WE ARE TOTALLY IN LOVE. HERE, LET US SHOW YOU. So it’s gotta be good.
To that end, our choice has currently come down to two songs.
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xwcaDvr8f1o]
Option #1 is Arcade Fire’s “Haiti.” It was penned as an ode to Arcade Fire member Régine Chassagne’s cousins murdered by the Tonton Macoute militia during the Duvalier dictatorship in Haiti. Um, whoa. Sounds like automatic wedding happiness fail, right? AND YET! It sounds so pretty and danceable.
Bonus points: Much of the song is sung in French, which means that most of our guests won’t have the capacity to even understand what the damned thing is about. Also, I started listening to Arcade Fire shortly after meeting the beau, and we have a poster from their June 2, 2007 show at the Greek Theatre in Berkeley hanging on the wall opposite the foot of our bed. It was a good show.
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QdmCHZtSwLU]
Option #2 is… you’re going to laugh. Or at least snicker. No, seriously. Because Option #2 is “The Promise” by When In Rome. The actual video for the song frightened me,** so I am putting in the video clip for the ending of Napoleon Dynamite. Now, OK, this song is actually — GASP — about love. I know! After I just went off on a paragraphs-long rant against love songs! But these lyrics aren’t smarmy. They are simple, sincere, and non-threatening — even a little awkwardly endearing! “I’m sorry but I’m just thinking of the right words to say / I know they don’t sound the way I planned them to be.” That sounds like MY ENTIRE LIFE.
Bonus points: NAPOLEON DYNAMITE CONNECTION. That’s all I have to say about that.
EXTRA EXTRA BONUS POINTS: To my knowledge, none of the members of Arcade Fire nor When In Rome have been convicted or accused of raping or killing anybody!***
So, what do you think? Do you love songs about love? Do you hate songs about love? Are you planning on having a first dance? Did you already have one? What songs did you/will you play? Will I ever stop asking questions?****
Tell me everything!
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* What? Your love isn’t all fluffy and buttery? Huh.
** Long flowing 80s dude hair! Pianos! Leaning against/forlornly looking out of windows! Tight butt jeans! Continuous camera pan! AUGH!
*** Thanks, Robin, for the ethical reminder.
**** Yes. Right about… now.
I vote for When in Rome, mostly because I can’t stop humming that song now. Maybe play the Arcade Fire song for your exit music? And then kick off the after party with “Rebellion (Lies)”!!!
Hmm, maybe we’ll have to have multiple exit songs. I was toying with the idea of playing Weezer’s “Say It Ain’t So” at the end of the night, when it was time to go — well, go to the afterparty, that is (this is where “Rebellion (Lies)” comes in!).
Though admittedly, Sady’s mutiple Tiger Beatdown posts about Rivers Cuomo have kind of ruined Weezer for me.
Thank god there are people like The Flashdance and Hi-Fi Weddings that are trying to change what wedding music means! Our first dance will be to “Don’t Let Us Get Sick” by Warren Zevon. We tried dancing to a few songs in our living room – “Love will Tear Us Apart”, “Angeles”, “There is a light that never goes out” – all songs that have meaning to us but we both almost cried when we danced to that song so we knew it was the one. I like songs that are kiiiind of about love in a dark, twisted sort of way. 🙂
Could not agree more. I like a side of dark twistedness with my love, thank you.
Exactly – because it’s *real*. My love isn’t fairy tale romance and those songs don’t resonate. But it’s really hard to find the right balance of emotions, lyrics, sweetness and reality in a way that really fits a couple. All of the songs I really love in a tonal visceral way are more about longing and loss than feels entirely comfortable, but I also want it to feel honest. I like that idea of trying them out to see how we both feel. We have a sing in mind but I’m worried that it’s waaaay too long, but Jason doesn’t believe me. We may need a slow dance night of interesting and complicated songs to feel out our responses.
Emilia, the Warren Zevon song is beautiful. I’m third-ing the dark and twisty!
Lyn, I love both songs.I have been obessing over wedding music that doesn’t make me hurl since day 1 so I totally hear you on this post! Our front runner for first dance right now is Wild Horses, by the Stones, cause I love, love, love them. But really, it’s changed so many times we may just throw on whatever we’re feeling that day and roll with it.
Ooh! Wild Horses is a good one. We have a couple of friends who had this one as their first dance song — they even danced to it at the bar after their rehearsal dinner the night before.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jJOzdLwvTHA
It’s not really a First Dance Song, but I love this one. On the plus side, it’s way short, so if we DO use it at all, it’s not eleventy hours long.
Oh! I like that song! Thanks for introducing me to it.
Shortness is totally a factor. I don’t want to be out there dancing robotically long after the moment has worn off. Although if we have a DJ, we can make him fade it out a bit early…
We’re contemplating “Kick Drum Heart” by The Avett Brothers
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qny6Cxm3IFg
How could you not want to dance to that?
This song is so energetic it makes me want to just cut a freakin’ rug. I don’t know if the live version is peppier than the album version, but I would dance my socks off to this thing! Nice choice.
I guess that’s also a de-lurking comment and can I just say thank you! You make me see the fun in wedding planning!
We used Adam Sandler singing Grow Old With You from the Wedding Singer soundtrack. Because it was funny, and sweet, and very, very short. We had everyone join us on the dance floor to Elvis’s Can’t Help Falling in Love. Later, one of my cousins and his wife cornerd me to ask if I happened to remember their wedding 8 years ago, as they did the exact same thing – Sandler followed by Elvis!
I vote Arcade Fire, because I love them. I think the fact you have their poster on your wall makes it even more meaningful. Plus, style points for French. 🙂
Oh noes! Your cousin wasn’t mad, was he? That’s pretty awesome.
I vote for number 2 “When In Rome” – have you heard any Midlake? Might be an option – kind of uptempo, not the sweetest, mushiest lyrics: “Young Bride”
I’m not sure you want anymore options, but As Tall as Lions has a great song “Love Love Love” if you want to check that out.
Just ideas. I love “When in Rome”, but the Arcade Fire is fantastic! Can’t go wrong.
Ooh! I am liking Midlake!
I’ve pondered this a lot, because of all the music we’ve listened to and loved over the years, none is really first dance-like. But on my birthday, shortly after getting engaged, we were having dinner at a restaurant and this song came on that perked up my ears. We looked it up as soon as we got home based on the lyrics – it was Lucky by Jason Mraz and Colbie Caillat. It’s short, sweet and upbeat. Not uber special and unique, which was my original hope, but that’s ok. I’m saving that for last. Our last dance, when the crowd will be thinned and drunk, and we can have a private moment, will be Book of Love by Peter Gabriel. Any song with these lyrics is my kinda song:
“The book of love has music in it
In fact that’s where music comes from
Some of it is just transcendental
Some of it is just really dumb”
I like both your choices and both are special to you so just clear some space in the house and give em a try!
Um, hello. Napoleon Dynamite connection FTW.
“Some of it is just transcendental
Some of it is just really dumb”
Ain’t that the truth!
I gotta say- this one was tricky for Andrew and I. Mostly because we hadn’t actually EVER danced together… and I really didn’t want our ‘first dance’ to really be our first dance! (lol, dancing virgins!).
Anyhoo- we chose ‘Oh You Delicate Heart’ by Hawksley Workman (Canadian singer) and I am in love with the song… and it’s a true waltz, so really danceable.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ByL2UByb1a8
What I would say is that I don’t really ‘hear’ the danceability of either of your choices (even though I think the music is great). Haiti seems kinda fast for a ‘slow dance’…. but then- you should dance to the song that you and Beau want 🙂
As much as I love arcade fire, in light of your guys’ napoleon dynamite history I’d totally go with the promise. maybe break up the awkwardness of the first dance with giggles. I’ve been putting together a post on songs, though we’re a tad on the sappy side. I’ve demanded that at least half the songs we play come from van morrison. upbeat or slow that man can make music.
Lyn! The Promise is one of our top songs!!! HAha! And I love the Napoleon Dynamite reference…. so you two.
We’re thinking “The Wedding Song” by Angus and Julia Stone, or “Burn Your Name” by Powderfinger. Aussie bands 😉
Amen. One of the reasons I hated the thought of weddings for years was because weddings idealize the perfect eagle-lifting-up, higher-love (damnit now that’s stuck in my head) cupids-and-angels love. None of us have that and it just makes us feel inadequate. Now that I’m getting married (and eating some crow), we’ve been looking for readings and songs that portray more realistic, but still romantic love (“Parallel Bars” by Kelly Willis and David Sedaris, thank you very much).
Midlake I love, but not for a wedding song. Just too…depressing…
Have you tried Elbow? Starlings is the most amazing song, but they have a lot that are GORGEOUS and with realistic, down to earth lyrics. Good northern (as in Manchester, England) down to earthness.
Our first dance song was always going to be Pulp, Something Changed. I’m swaying a bit on that now, though bf still thinks its the right one.
We are also considering having a proper dance to a wicked 1940s tune that we both love as it would be a bit more uptempo and there’d be none of that awkwardness while other people stand around watching you sway.
I’m considering “Perfect” by Doria Roberts. I love the folky sound to the song.
This is so hard, isn’t it! I like both your songs, and thanks for introducing me to Arcade Fire!!
For some reason the song “Word Up” has followed (haunted?) us during our 4+ years together. We want to do a montage of different versions of the song, starting with the Willis version (to do a romantic dance) and transition into the more wild versions and go into something funny and semi-choreographed.
The Willis version isn’t on youtube that I can find but it’s on iTunes…I think it’s sexy! This is just a preliminary idea though and is apt to change ten times.
Oh my god, that is hilarious! First I went and refreshed myself on what the original “Word Up” sounded like, then I found the Willis version, and I love it. I love the words in contrast with that bluesy guitar. I love how it talks about doing a dance while you’re dancing. It’s funny yet sincere — it should definitely stay in the running.
Also, check out Richard Hawley. Oh yes.
my husband and i are not sappy. we love each other, but all of those songs on the knot list or any google search of first dance songs.
we chose to dance to “never had nobody like you” by She & Him. it was fun. rockabilly, and short!
ps, my vote is for arcade fire 🙂
I know this is a little off from the kinds of songs other people are mentioning, but we’re going to dance to Birdland, the version by Weather Report. It was one of the first jazzy songs I loved, and the fiance plays trumpet = love, our way. No sappy words either. Ugh to that.
I’m with you all the way on sappy love songs being over the top!!!!!! I have never felt a connection with those type of songs.
……me…..not going to have a first dance……
We’re thinking about Johnny Cash’s version of “Bridge over Troubled Water.” It’s not particularly danceable, but I love the lyrics and the way their voices sound together. “When you’re weary, feeling small, when tears are in your eyes, I will dry them off. I’m on your side.” It’s a good reminder of how we want to be for one another. I really love The Promise, though!
We’ve decided to dance/groove/shake that thang to “I Believe In A Thing Called Love” by The Darkness. It’s not SUPER original, and most of our friends know the song, but it’s perfect and totally us. And that’s all that matters. 🙂