So. The last post seemed to cause a lot of unintended stress for some of you. I feel pretty bad about this. You know those times when you’re at a party, and suddenly you’re stricken with an urge to entertain everybody with what you believe is an awesome story, only when you’re done you glance around and realize that your listeners have curled up on the floor in a fetal position and are crying softly to themselves? Yeah, that’s kind of what happened with the last post.
Hence, in the face of a pressure-cooking 2.5 weeks to go, from here on out on the blog I’ll try to temper the potentially rampant anxiety with some nice soft marshmallow fluff. Do you guys like fluff? That seems to be what’s popular out here on the interwebs. That and using very few words. I’ve tried that before. I’ve tried to do posts that feature just one exceedingly insightful sentence such as “Nothing says ‘home from work’ like no pants,” only to stare at it for ten minutes thinking, “Well, that’s stupid.” So then I try to write some elucidatory supporting sentences and suddenly, 239 hours later, I have a 1,300-word essay about something entirely unrelated to both pants and coming home from work.
To that end, um. I make no promises about anything that happens in the next 2.5 weeks.
Now! Let’s talk about some stuff that is not actually fluffy at all!* Like what I’ve learned** during this precious, special time. Because if there’s one thing you get from planning a wedding, it’s the illusion of wisdom.
Things I’ve learned from the wedding planning process:***
- The only thing that bridal magazines are good for is making fun of the pictures.
- People are fucking insane.
- Do not, under any circumstances, discuss your budget. With anyone. Your budget is the wrong number to everyone except you.
- Sometimes A lot of times getting stuff done is more important than remaining true to your personal style.
- Blog-worthy is not necessarily a bad thing.
- You can spend a good part of your life ignoring social expectations, only to end up having them completely rule the wedding day.
- If it’s not important to you, let someone else have their way.****
- Be prepared to be hurt by some people’s actions.
- Be prepared to be staggered by the generosity of others.
- You can spend your entire engagement repeating that at the end of the wedding day, what’s most important is that you’re married. You can say that over and over again, until you’re blue in the face. You can spend months analyzing the nature of your relationship and the ways in which you and your partner are growing and learning together. You can meditate on it. You can paint pictures about it. You can choreograph an interpretive dance on the profundity of human connection. You can methodically hunt down every single person at every single place you go and inform each of them that you don’t give a shit about the pretty wedding frippery. That crap is, you know, mere Froot Loops in comparison to your organic multigrain breakfast cereal of authentic love. But the reality of it all still won’t actually hit home for you until a quiet moment in one of the days before the wedding when all these big thoughts come rushing back into your head unannounced, and suddenly you’re all HOLY SHIT MARRIAGE ZOMGWTFBBQBALLSMOKE. And the people around you will be like: slow down, tiger. Try breathing, you’ll like it.
- You can pretend you don’t care, but you’ll still desperately want your guests to like your wedding.
- Not all of your guests are going to have a humdinger of a time at your wedding.
- Keep your head down and your eyes on your work. It doesn’t matter what everyone else is writing down, only that you come up with your own answers.
What have you learned?
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* OH SNAP, I already lied.
** Disclaimer: the things that I’ve learned will not necessarily reflect the things that you’ve learned. Individual mileage may vary.
*** It’s not actually just me here. The beau provided a few of the gems on this list. I just asked him what he learned from planning a wedding, and out popped some meaningful shit. I don’t know how he does it. I’m beginning to think he should be the blogger of this relationship.
**** This is why my mother is making favors for our welcome picnic. If a) it makes her happy and b) I don’t have to be involved, I don’t really care how many yards of custom ribbon inscribed with our names and wedding date she uses.
True, true, true.
#13 is my new life mantra. Thanks for the post!
i learned that sometimes the backup plan you created on a whim can be way more awesome than the original game plan you spent months working on.
(someone else had set up their ceremony in our desired ceremony location – public park, first come first serve – so we had to pick an empty spot near our picnic pavilion. it worked out because we could us our DJ’s speakers, his mic, and the view around us was amazing.)
I have learned from your wedding planning that you could write an entire book as an ordered list with footnotes and I would read it all with joy.
I’d buy that book. Or, you know, probably just download the free ebook trial version and consider buying the full version and then forget that I ever wanted it, if we’re gonna be all honest here.
#7 is really key, #6 I will continue to pour a lot of probably mostly futile energy into, #11 is probably true but I don’t really want to admit it, same thing for #12.
I’m going to go craft an interpretive dance now.
Also I don’t mind the curling in a fetal position on the floor posts because I read the comments and feel like, well, at least I’m not alone on this floor here. 🙂
I’d even PAY for the privilege of reading your bulleted lists. an extra couple bucks for the footnotes.
Definitely everything from 1 through 13. Although lately I’ve been pretty liberal about throwing around budget numbers (to friends now planning their own weddings) – this is likely a mistake but since the wedding I’ve also learned I just don’t care anymore.
And now that I’m no longer thinking about the wedding-related knowledge I learned, I’m left with this lesson: I can stand on my own two feet as an adult (ok semi-adult). I’m a people pleaser, never want to ruffle feathers, or cause a stir. Well I still didn’t, but we plowed our way through one of the most socially treacherous events with our heads held high and that gives me confidence that we’ll be able to make the decisions we need to make in the future without undue concern for and influence from others. Stand as our own family.
Oh and I’ll also never roll my eyes again when someone complains about the cost or stress of weddings. Well unless they are just really silly.
You consistently amaze me with your brief and succinctly true notations on these matters.
I agree with everything on this list but I am still confounded by having experienced 8 and 9.
I would add that faced with the idea of doing this again, I would never EVER have another wedding. Now I really understand why my mom never bothered to actually marry my step-dad.
and do not let these lovely ladies make you feel bad for blogging about the drama. I’m certain none of them wanted to make you feel bad, they were just commiserating. unfortunately, there is nothing like a big pity party no matter how necessary or true it is – everyone kind of falls down into the hole.
Honestly, if you get #13 taken care of, #11 and #12 will handle themselves.
I was stunned by the number of people who told us they loved our wedding because it felt “real”. Well, it felt real to me too, but you know, it was.
#7 is also key.
Letting lots of stuff go (including your ability to let certain things go) is critical for personal sanity, IMHO. But if personal sanity isn’t important to you, you can let that go too…
Seriously, if I choreograph an interpretive dance about my marriage I still won’t realize it until just before the wedding that I’m getting married and what that means? Sh*t there goes my plan out the window. 😉
I’ve learned that blogger friends are the most supportive people when you are planning a wedding. Some of them have done it before, some of them are in the middle and know exactly how you feel, and some just know what to say to comfort you.
Wise lady, thank you for teaching us your ways. Also, I sure as heck hope that you film that interpretive dance and post it as a you tube trend for the next viral wedding video. Mostly, I just want insight into the wedding profundity and don’t really want to wait for zen to strike six months from now.
#2 is so true (so is #11 even though I don’t want to admit it)
#3. Words to live by.
2.5 weeks! you’re almost there. and, ditto to #2.
haha, my comment about your last post being stressful was just that- i do happen to love your blog and it was a moment of “holy shit, i have too much to do!” realization. and it was good- i got stuff done 🙂 (and have come full circle to “i fracking rule” list that Becca made 🙂 ).
i also especially heart your lists and footnotes. hilarious!
I’ve really got to agree with #3:
“Do not, under any circumstances, discuss your budget. With anyone. Your budget is the wrong number to everyone except you.”
I remember accidentally mentioning this, and I either got, “Oh my god, you’re spending THAT much?!” Or something along the lines of, “Wow, so you’re being so economical with that…”
Although, it all just comes back to #2:
“People are fucking insane.”
Just keep on truckin’ and remember whose wedding this really is!
PS: Lyn, you are amazing, and yes…please write a book!
bestest and truest wedding line evar! “Because if there’s one thing you get from planning a wedding, it’s the illusion of wisdom.”
check out my blog for many of these illusions to come! since on the other side and married, I now totally think I’m full of amazing knowledge and also totally think I should share it. 🙂