Since the list format was working so well for me during the last few posts, let’s just continue that trend, shall we?

Things I forgot to do:

  • Take off a few pounds. Yes, I know I’m not supposed to care about that, but I secretly did, at least at first. Then I pretty much forgot about trying to trim down until it was go time, and at that point there was just nothing else to do but cross my fingers and hope everything fit okay.
  • Brighten my smile. Months ago, I bought a pack of teeth-whitening strips in a righteous fit of let’s do this thang. Guess what? I didn’t even open the box until the week of the wedding, and even then I only made a few lousy, halfhearted attempts at using the strips. Oh well! Let’s down another cup of coffee and get right back not caring!
  • Even out my skin color. A couple of weeks before the wedding, I went running and ended up with a strange strappy sports shirt tan. Not quite the desired effect for the wedding dress, but that’s what I get for being careless.
  • Write a speech welcoming everyone and thanking my family, which I’d been so excited about. Over the past year I’d already halfway composed the damn thing in my head during various brainstorming sessions in the shower, but I never actually sat down and made a concentrated effort to finish it. I’m a little sad about that one.
  • Get a facial. Or any kind of spa treatment, actually. I’d always had this impression that brides were supposed to pamper themselves for their wedding, but apparently I was DOIN IT RONG because I just didn’t have the time. NO TIME! Which leads us nicely into…

Things I didn’t have time for:

  • A delicious, well-deserved massage.
  • Sleeping. THE STORIES WERE TRUE.
  • Practicing reading my vows. Thinking about my vows. Reflecting on my vows. Vows. What was I talking about again? I don’t even know. I ended up gripping a dog-eared, rolled-up printout of my vows during the entire ceremony, unfurling it, and reading from it when the time came. Not the prettiest, most special way to recite them, but… I made it work, you know?
  • Making myself pretty. No special exfoliators, masks, or moisturizers. I already had some old ones on hand, too – but the sad thing was that I didn’t have 20 extra minutes each morning in the week before my wedding to actually put them on my face. Beauty fail.
  • Practicing my makeup. I was supposed to do trials and test things and try out my false eyelashes. I never ended up wearing them. I just slapped my makeup on that morning before the wedding and hoped for the best.

Things I would change:

  • Hosting a welcome picnic instead of a regular rehearsal dinner on Friday night. We had no idea that 75 people would be able to show up at the damn thing. Holy shit, man. We had people chip in where they could, but the reality of the situation was that most of our guests were staying in motels and had no way of helping us make food. It ended up being a major stressor, not to mention a major time and money suck.
  • I’d totally hire a makeup artist to do my makeup instead of trying to do it myself. Not because I did a shitty job, but because I didn’t realize it would cost so much freaking money. I am not shitting you when I say that all told, I probably ended up spending over $350 during various trips to Sephora. And I could have hired someone to do my makeup for much less than half of that. My problem was that I had to purchase a bunch of essentials all at once, because apparently until the wedding came I’d never taken the time in my adult life to acquire foundation, bronzer, blush, a brow pencil, an eyelash curler, and so on. Seriously. If you don’t already have the basics, just hire someone to do it for you. Now I’ve got a serious credit card bill and a bunch of makeup that I’ll very rarely use. Sweet! Just what I needed!
  • I wouldn’t bother getting a manicure and pedicure. The last time I’d gotten one was probably sometime in the early 2000s, and I was quickly reminded that people who have manicured hands and feet are not supposed to do anything with them, or touch anything, or move around, or even think, really. I believe that the only thing you are allowed to do when you have a manicure and a pedicure is to lie helplessly on a sunchair all day and moan for the hired help to fetch you another mint julep, which you will delicately sip from a straw. Seriously. My nail polish was scuffed within hours, and by the time I was done washing the dishes after the welcome picnic, it was ruined. Total waste of money.

What were your things?