Our friends from the Bay Area are getting married here in Santa Barbara today. This will be our first wedding as a married couple. And let me tell you, what a blessed relief it is to a attend a wedding as a guest. You mean all I have to worry about is what I’m going to wear and what drink I’m having next? Sold.
And yet. I am jealous. Insanely, insanely jealous. And regretful of some of the choices we made for our own wedding.
Let me explain.
Our friends came down this past Tuesday, and have essentially spent the last few days with each other, friends, and family. Their Facebook status updates have essentially been along the lines of where they are going and what they are eating next. Tuesday night they had sushi and wine. Wednesday they walked around downtown with a giant entourage of family members. On Thursday they rented out a boat for a sunset cruise with drinks and appetizers. Last night was the rehearsal dinner and subsequent celebrations.
Okay. So the beau and I didn’t have a budget to rent a boat and ply our peeps with champagne and foie gras.* But you know what? I don’t even envy what they’re doing so much as how they’re doing it. Beau and I essentially spent the last several days before our wedding running around like headless chickens. There was no time for hanging out with our friends and family. There was no time to relax. There was no time for anything. We just spun continually off our axes, chasing one task after another. This is really what kills me, in the end. That we didn’t slow down. That we couldn’t slow down. I wasn’t wasting time on senseless crafts, either. It was just all this Stuff We Had To Do.
I know, I know. I understand that from my outsider’s perspective, I can’t really know what’s going on with them. I cannot see any behind-the-scenes drama or stress. But I can’t shake this feeling of regret for some of the things we did. It kind of hit me unexpectedly. You’re not supposed to regret things about your own wedding, right? But I have. And I sincerely doubt I’m the first.
OH, and their wedding this weekend is perfect. PERFECT. Warm, sunny, clear, no fog. NO FOG. ARRRRGH.
Sigh.
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* YES, really.
I have only seen the “relaxed” wedding weekend situation from being with my friends and family who have been married…the bride goes to the spa for the whole day before…just “relaxes and gets all that ‘yucky’ stress out of my face” (in the lispiest, girliest voice you can imagine).
Now that I see how much there is to do out there before weddings from yours, angie’s, lisa’s, jen’s and other radical-ass women who have done it with style and authenticity to who they are…I can only imagine I’ll be slightly pissed at the ladies (and there will be ladies) telling me to “relaaax” beforehand.
I’m not going to say I’m sure your wedding was badass just the way it was…but I’m sure your wedding was badass just the way it was. Have fun at the wedding…or be a sarcastic, spiteful anti-bride…either way.
I’m nervous this will happen to me and Andrew (Andrew and I- whatever). I work until thursday (well, ok tomorrow is our Canadian Thanksgiving, so I have that off) and that very night I have people arriving and friday is go-time. BUSY.
But at the same time, you do what you have to. There will always be others who have more money (ewww, fois gras, NOT a fan ya know. kinda like caviar- only snobby rich people eat that disgusting stuff), and that doesn’t make them happier. 🙂
I don’t know how your friends manages to do it, but the week before our wedding was nothing like theirs. Ours involved cars full of wedding supplies, a 40 minute drive and setting up/organizing like mad. Times 3 because it took 3 evenings to complete after the husband got off of work. And while I do slightly envy people who are able to be so calm and relaxed, I’m glad we weren’t. Instead, we were busy, and stressed, and anxious, but more importantly, we were there and we were involved… in every little bit. I didn’t sit around on our wedding day relaxing while a team of people I would have had to pay way too much money did everything for me. We got our hands dirty and I think we’re better off for it. And all that stressing did equate to some hangout time with the friends and family who were kind enough to help us with all the craziness, so it’s not as though we didn’t get to spend quality time with them. I say, be a little jealous, but don’t have any regrets. You had a wedding, and you’re married. How you ended up getting there is just semantics. Besides, foie gras is gross.
Thanks for posting this. I want to be more conscious of making this happen for us the week leading up, since we will have a lot of out-of-towners.
You are so right that you never know what is really going on with them, though. When Collin’s sister got married last summer, I could not get over how chill and poised and awesome she was. Meanwhile, the inside of her mouth like, exploded with canker sores because she was extremely stressed (mostly about her dog, which got kicked out of the kennel it was supposed to stay in during the wedding weekend for fighting with another dog). I didn’t know about it until after her honeymoon. And I was staying in the same house as her before the wedding while all this is going on. Some people just keep a lid on it.
[For the record, I am SO not one of those people.]
This is the first I’ve heard of ANYONE having a blissful wedding week. It was my understanding that there was always a big push toward the end, no matter how prepared you are. I’m with HitchDied – best check your friend’s mouth for a commune of cankers.
I will never be destressed before my wedding.
I just don’t have the time or cash to be stress free.
Slight pangs of jealousy but as Robin says you will never know what’s really going on.
GAH, I know this feeling.
I flew out to CA (where our wedding … and family were) a week and change early … just so I could get things done in a leisurely fashion and visit with everyone I never get a chance to see.
Um, at 3am the night before our morning wedding I was still working on the things that NEEDED TO GET DONE (not mindless crafts … we nixed those early on). And the whole “getting-to-the-venue-two-hours-early-to-take-photos-and-relax-with-my-girls”? Yah, that turned into rushing into the venue 5 minutes before the ceremony started because there was so much to do back at the hotel (I blame other people for this one, it was their crap my MOH and I cleaned up, ours was at the venue).
A good friend got married a week later and his new wife keeps coming out with photos of the girls at the spa, and her lounging in the tub (fully clothed) waiting to put her dress on. GAH.
So yes, jealousy. But the ceremony and resulting party were just dandy for all the lack of serenity beforehand. And we couldn’t have asked for more than that. =)
Yeah….I hear you on being super busy all the way up to the wedding ceremony. I think it is a trade off….the people that can relax the week of their own wedding have paid somebody else to take care of all those gazillion planning details so they don’t have to worry about it. But if one doesn’t have that kind of budget- or if one just wants to be more involved in the process of making it all happen- it is hard to figure out how to incorporate the relaxing bit into the equation. ‘Cause, you know, certain things have to be done at the last minute (setting up the venue during the time you have rented it, etc) and that timing also coincides with the arrival of out-of-town guests. And it really stinks that there is less time to spend with all the friends and family who are suddenly in town, and what time you do have is spent folding programs or whatever with willing and generous friends and family.
But….I guess that is sadly the cost of a DIY wedding. Maybe the overall budget number is less, but the real cost comes in how you have to spend your time to get it all done. I know that was also our experience and I am still a little sad about not having had a more relaxed wedding day leading up to the evening ceremony and reception. The actual ceremony and reception were great. Except for the very end of the reception where we had to clean up everything after almost everyone left. I did not love that. But that was the cost for us to stay in our budget. However, since I didn’t realize that stuff had to be done before we left the reception that same night, I wasn’t prepared and was sad about having to do all that on our wedding day, still in our wedding clothes. But…..I also know that we didn’t have the budget to pay someone else to do it, so whatdoyoudo, you know? Hopefully the regrets fade in the long run, and 50 years from now, we will all only remember the joy. 51 weeks after our wedding (sooooo weird to say that!), I feel so thankful to have had a meaningful ceremony and an incredibly fun reception with so many friends and family with us. And I still wish I could have painted my finger nails and not forgotten my garter. So stupid, but hey. Maybe it will fade with time. 🙂
blargh. that is all i have to say. we went to a wedding three weeks after ours and the bride told me how inexpensive her caterer was and she has awesome art up on the walls and a cute feather headpiece. i was JELLLYYY as hell.
girl, you are not the first. i still get that feeling from time to time. my friend got married this weekend and had the sort of getting-ready-the-morning-of i always wanted, but didn’t get. all i can say is that these feelings will come and go for as long as we let them. and trust me, as an outsider and an already wedding’ed gal, your photos so far are amazing. and not that good photos = amazing wedding, but i’m sure there will be plenty of gals all “OMG Lyn’s wedding was perfect and mine is so sucky and stoopid.” and then you’ll go to her blog and be like “listen toots you’re wedding is awesome and i don’t see any suck there!”
the plan is to only have one wedding and after that’s over, it’s kind of sad that we can’t release our creative juices in that same way. i’ve been thinking about having dinner parties and throwing a big birthday party for josh just to get that ish outta my system. but i so do feel you on this. just blargh.
going to a wedding as married couple was awesome but I also see where you’re coming from. theres always a better cheaper caterer, a cooler venue, etc etc etc. everyone has regrets! perfection is for losers, slighty (or way less than) perfect is way better and also makes for better stories
Senseless crafts? Please. I definitely spent a chunk of time the week before the wedding wondering if having my dress properly hemmed was optional or required. It turns out that dress hemming is required, sleeping is optional.
You know what I’m going to be doing the day before our wedding? Stringing effing origami cranes. You know what I’m going to be doing the week before we get married? Folding the rest of the @#$% cranes. Whose bright idea was that, anyway?!
You know what my dear little Bean asked me the other day, as she looked sadly at the pitiful number of cranes we’ve folded so far? “What happens when [yes, she said, “when,” not “if”] we don’t finish the cranes before the wedding? Is it bad luck, since they’re supposed to bring good luck?”
Oh, holy hell. I’ve brought bad luck upon myself by starting a shit ton of crafts I will never complete.
Not that I understand what you’re feeling or anything.
Oh yet another wedding truth that I am having to accept about myself – I can never be happy with my decisions. About anything. I regret what I order in a restaurant the moment I order it, but yet somehow I thought that I could just be content with our wedding the way it was, because it was our wedding, and not regret a damn thing. HAHAHAAA!! I haven’t even been to another wedding yet, only hearing the plans for future weddings is giving me pangs of jealousy: Oh they decided to do the whole ‘wedding package in a golf club’ thing – you know where the catering and rentals and setup and etc. will all be done for you? So you don’t have to mentally trace the location of every chair and table in a venue yourself as you fall asleep each night? Oh, and so they probably won’t be tearing their hair out during the pre-wedding days? They might be able to spend CALM QUALITY time with their loved ones? Damn them.
I’m mentally preparing that I will be hit with these pangs of jealousy over and over again. And I’ll just have to get over it since I haven’t managed to get that time machine working yet.
LIES! Nobody is that calm before their wedding–people just put on a good Facebook face!
yes, yes yes and yes. I’m glad it’s not just me. i HATED that i spent the whole day (week, year) before pulling my hair out and stressed.
i wish wish wish we’d had the funds to hire some people to take some of the stress off.